whether regarding academic or social life, it is the same.
the confidence that i 1st had in regards to wat i wanna do in uni, has evolved to sheer trepidity now as i looked through the courses that i have to take.
and still don't know wat i wanna major, but i don't think that is the biggest prob yet.
the biggest prob is wat am i eventually gonna do when i graduate.
it may seems a bit far to think of it right now, but i need to know wat i wanna do in future in order to think of wat to major!
i wanted to be a child care teacher..but that has changed since i didn't get to go poly.
i know i want to venture into the tourism industry..but as wat?
i want to do well, and graduate with a good cert..but i need my goal 1st.
all along, i studied with a goal to get to a uni becoz that's wat my dad has been telling me since i was in primary sch.
but now that i'm gonna start, i realised i need another go to keep myself going on and wanting to be financially dependent in future is not enuff to make myself go further.
[i don't want to become someone who does things juz for the sake of money=]
so many things that is running through my mind without any answers.
sigh.
i'm quite vexed over this suddenly, desipte all those reassurance i'm trying to give myself.
i guess, i can only take one step at a time for the moment.
i hope nobody asks me wat am i gonna major or work as when i graduate, coz i seriously don't need that kinda stress now and i hate it when i'm rendered tongue-tied when this issue is raised=X
hah.
social life.
sigh.
i always hated changes, especially when it comes to friends.
it sucks now that all my clique of friends are no longer with me when i go uni.
it wasn't easy coming to settle down comfortably from sec sch to jc.
and juz when i finally settled down in jc, it is time to move on again.
RAH.
i totally hate it.
i'm not exactly a very sociable person to begin with.
i'm someone who is slow to warm up to ppl and i definitely someone who is always content to remain in my own comfort zone.
i noe i need to move on and get going, but it is getting harder and harder every time.
juz like the arts camp that i went.
i don't seem to click with the ppl i met and i'm kinda anti-social.
haha.
[i have been ps-ing my og when they have outings=X]
i guess they are juz not the type i ppl i usually talk to=X
but i'm damn scared.
wat if all the ppl are not my type of ppl?
as much as i'm an anti-social person, i do wanna have friends in uni.
i don't wanna be friend-less!
and i can't possibly be always running back to my own friends; they will have their new circle of friends to get used to as well.
i wanna continue to have laiyan in my lessons, karmun and celeste to be in the same cca, weijing to be in the same sch as me.
i want to see my 'family' and fartty family every week, coffee with quin and kar, meet up with my clasmates every now and then.
i want to remain where i'm standing now.
especially after reading wat weijing and laiyan have written to me, it made me wanna cling harder to them and all the rest.
with this kinda tots that are running in my mind, i feel like i'm stuck in my own quick sand.
the more i struggle or think abt it, the more i'm being swallowed into it.
i keep reminiscing abt the past, grabbing tightly to those memories, which makes me one want time to come to a standstill so that everything can remain the same as it is now.
i'm feeling like a spoilt brat right now, whining to get wat i want.
but the things i want are not toys, and i can't have it in my way.
i happened to read suxian's blog and saw the msg she left for celeste:
hey celeste, our luck ran out.. =( no more same sch, same class.. i'm starting sch in a totally new environment without u for the 1st time.. i really miss you! i hope this doesn't mean we're going to lose contact.. u're my oldest buddy! and i've never told u.. but i survived p3 thanks to u.
- copyright to suxian-.
i felt so sad when i saw her post.
especially when i saw the 1st sentence.
i don't want my luck to run out as well.
i'm not prepared to move on.
but i only have 2 more weeks.
